~DUO EDITION~ Mothers of the Month- December Edition.
Part 2 of our Mothers of the Month DUO EDITION I would like to introduce my sister in law Alexandra.
Losng a child is a loss like no other. It is every parent’s worst nightmare. On the 2nd October 2015 my beautiful first born, Aurora, grew her angel wings at just two months and one day old and this nightmare became my reality. Nothing would have, or could have possibly prepared me for this. Discovering your child’s lifeless little body, watching as your partner desperately tries to perform CPR, being ushered into the bedroom by the paramedic and told the words ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing we could do’ and watching your daughter, who for two months has been your best friend- by your side and just as dependant on you as you are on her , carried out by a complete stranger to be taken to the morgue. Nothing could have prepared me. In the space of a few hours my world had gone from pretty close to perfect to a living hell. It felt like my journey of motherhood was over like that.
‘Time heals all wounds’ does not apply to the loss of a child, or the loss of anyone reallly. I’ve always been quite the optimist- trying my best to find the best in any situation but there was no ‘upside’ to what I was going through. I attempted to philosophise why this had happened as up until this point, I had believed in the notion that ‘everything happens for a reason’, again I could not come up with any justification that would prove comforting for what had happened. “Why me?” was something that replayed over and over in my mind. I was a decent person, a loving mother, why did this have to happen to me? It wasn’t until a few months ago that I answered my own question. Why not me? Why should I be exempt from horrible things happening to me?. Why am I so special? This was a huuuuugeeee turning point for me. What I had gone through was horrific, yet there were still people far worse off than me. I then focused my energies towards really, truly, whole heartedly practising gratitude. It really does take absence to appreciate presence.
You can’t ‘fix’ something like this. You have to pick up the broken pieces and find a way to continue to live with loss, taking each day as it comes and accepting that some days won’t be too bad- you will think that you’re starting to heal and find your feet again but then the next day, you won’t be able to get out of bed and will feel like you’re back to square one. It really is one day, one milestone at a time and every day is a struggle with happiness. I still do feel guilty sometimes when I’m enjoying myself as I worry that I’m not balancing it enough with mourning for Aurora. Grief lasts forever and I have to remind myself that it’s ok to laugh and be happy, it doesn’t diminish the sorrow and heartbreak I feel.
I read a saying that goes “grief is the pendulum swing of love”. The stronger and more deeper the love, the more grief that will be created on the other side. Likewise, the grief that you feel can similarly enable you to really, truly appreciate life and be thankful for what you do have.
I have recently had my little rainbow baby, Violet, and I know that Aurora would be one very proud big sister. She will always be in my heart and I’m so incredibly lucky to have had her for the two months she was here. I have endured one of life’s most painful and frightening events and whilst I am still mourning the loss of Aurora, I know that love never dies and she will always hold a very special place in my heart.
I am so incredibly honoured to have been chosen to be one of Indera Beads’ Mother’s of the Month and I thank you for reading my post.
Aurora & Violet xxx
I want to personally thank you Alex for sharing Aurora's story, This was in no way easy for you to welcome us all into Aurora's life and I just want to thank you for being so incredibly strong. I also want to thank you for being the most incredible sister inlaw, Life can be so cruel and things happen for absolutely no reason but there is one thing I can say for certain- fate brought us together and I couldn't be more proud to call you my sister.